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15 great reader comments on sex

Cup of Jo has been running for 13 years (!), So we decided to highlight one of the most popular entries from the past each week. Here’s one of our favorites that was originally released on June 19, 2018 …

For our best series of readers’ comments, we’d love a girl to talk about it. Here are 15 fun, steamy comments on everything from planning the sex to what really happens on wedding nights …

If you know what works for you:

“From water pressure and electric toothbrushes as a teenager to my bullet, I’ve been grateful to have a fulfilling solo sex life. Solo sex taught me what I liked and age gave me the courage to communicate it. “- Meghan

“I’ve never liked vibrators. The sound, as subtle as it is, distracts me, making it feel like I have a lawn mower or an electric whisk in bed. However, I use my hands. I would encourage anyone to learn to move through masturbation. It feels good to understand what makes you tick sexually and how each of the mechanics works for you. “- Tess

On wedding night antics:

“We waited for sex until we were married. We held an afternoon wedding so that we would have plenty of time to ourselves that night. I was very nervous so we showered together to relax first. When we had sex we were so excited that we gave each other a HIGH-FIVE during the act! We laugh about that to this day. “- Rachel

“We danced until the end of our reception before we stumbled back to our hotel. The first thing my husband and I did was drop on the floor, open all the cards and count the money, then giggle and gossip about guest antics (like the elderly lady in the see-through dress!). Then we washed our faces, put on pajamas, and slept so well that we were late for our wedding brunch the next morning. It was a pretty perfect night. “- Alejandra

About the power of pillow talk:

“My partner and I keep all of our serious conversations when we are naked in bed. There is a vulnerability, an honesty, and a focus that only seems to be available to us when we are side by side and skin to skin. “- Donna

When sleeping in separate beds:

“My husband and I sleep in separate rooms because of his heavy snoring. Plus, he’s a night owl and often wakes up in the middle of the night, opens his computer and starts to work! As for sex, I like to go to his manly room. I love its sexy charcoal sheets, dark furniture, and framed black and white photos. Then I retire to my bright room. And vice versa. We both have the necessary equipment in our bedside tables. That works for us. “- Laura

“I’m autistic and it’s quite common in couples where one or both partners are on the spectrum to sleep separately. Since many of us autistic people have great sensory sensitivities and REALLY spend our time alone, sleeping together often just doesn’t make sense! And I don’t know anyone whose relationship is worse. “- MT

At the right time:

“We don’t go as far as planning sex, but I have known I put him on my weekend work to-do list. This notepad lies on the counter and always makes us laugh when we see “hot sex” between “throwing recycling in the dump” and “replacing lightbulbs in the kitchen”. And it is always checked off! “- Doña

“My husband or I raise your eyebrows and say, ‘Can I make an appointment tonight? ‘and the other will generally answer, “I think this can be arranged.” I asked him if he found it depressing that we just had to make appointments and he replied, “Making an appointment for a root canal is depressing. Making plans for sex is great. ‘”- A.

“My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I like to take the term “sexually active” to heart: While we have sex about four times a month, we are always very sexually active. We kiss, touch, and send sweet messages all day long. Also, never underestimate the power of a teen-style make-out session! “- Jenna

After approval:

“I grew up in a Catholic family where we didn’t talk about sex. My sex education came from my peers, my Catholic school, and Cosmopolitan Magazine. This situation made me feel the need to educate my children, a girl and a boy, about what constitutes consent: that it is okay to change your mind; that it is good to state your decision clearly; and checking that your partner agrees during your encounter is the right thing to do. In contrast to my education, I will have open and honest discussions about sex and relationships, no matter how uncomfortable. “- Julia

“Crossing boundaries and having an element of surprise is part of what makes flirting and sex exciting, but I worry about the assumption that asking for consent is unsexy. I’ve had an experience of making out with someone and they say, “I’m really excited about it. I would love if we kept going. How about you?’ Having a partner checking in doesn’t spoil the thrill of the encounter. Knowing that the person I’m with is worried enough to actually ask for consent attracts me more, not less. “- Erin

About talking to kids about sex:

“We taught our kids the correct names for anatomy when they were one. My favorite story comes from when my son was two years old. We went to a bakery to treat ourselves and I read him all the options. I’ve always encouraged our kids to order for themselves, so he did: Unfortunately, he asked the woman behind the counter for a ‘red vulva cookie’! “- Michelle

“It’s difficult to start a conversation with my pre-pubescent daughter (‘Mom, I already know everything, this is so embarrassing’), so I’ve found that leaving books and brochures around is better. She will read it and come to me a few days later with questions. “- Nathalie

Always learning:

“I hope everyone has a chance to read Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are. I’m halfway there with a worn copy that passed through the hands of four friends. The author breaks common misconceptions and really takes steps to personalize and authenticate women’s sexuality. “- Jessica

What would you add

PS 14 great reader comments on dating and a surprising sex tip.

(Top photo by Heather Hazzan for Land of Women.)


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