If there is one thing that has particularly intrigued me lately, it is dating during COVID. In my circle of friends, I’m one of roughly three who are single, so I’m always curious about how others approach dating and who they meet. Personally, I didn’t have a strong desire until recently. Partly because of COVID, but also because I didn’t feel like I had the energy to give both the experience and a partner. I’m not sure if it’s the start of a new year, the proverbial ticking of the clock, the February effect (cough, Valentine’s Day) or just a new chapter, but lately I’ve been ready to download the apps again and to give a go.
So I enlisted the help of my buddy Logan Ury, director of relationship science at Hinge and author of How Not to Die Alone; The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love released for some dating and relationship advice this month. Logan and I met a few years ago when I was working for SXSW, and she was working for a well-known relationship expert. I have always appreciated her very real and authentic perspective on approaching relationships.
She helped me get out of my dating rut and get back into action by leaning on who I am, what I want, having fun with it, and also remembering that dating just takes time to get to know someone .
When I started dating again, I thought it would be fun to ask you, the Camille Styles community, on Instagram to hear your thoughts on dating and relationships – ask Logan a few questions of your own. It turned out that you all had a lot of the same questions as I did, and I learned a few new things that will help me feel better equipped to be out there again. Also, with this last request, I’m taking a tip from Logan’s book (in the truest sense of the word): Readers, if you have individual friends, send them to me.
Scroll on for your top dating questions answered …
What are some out-of-the-box ways to spend time together at home that get us out of our everyday lives?
- Celebrate a small win. Pick up champagne or your favorite dessert to toast something that went well this week.
- Take part in a virtual dance lesson together or go to a zoom training session.
- Have a theme night. Maybe you have a night around your favorite movie and listen to the soundtrack while cooking a dish from the movie and watch the movie while you eat.
- Rent electric scooters and romp around town.
How can I weed out the not so serious data when looking for a serious relationship? And how do I make sure of alignment before taking the time to meet in real life?
It’s almost impossible to gauge a person’s intentions from a profile or text unless they specifically tell you, “I’m just looking for something casual.” So you need to get to the date as soon as possible. If you’re worried about investing a lot of time and energy in someone early on, try a video date. They are a low pressure method of getting a vibe check. If you are interested during the appointment but don’t want to get too strong, here’s what you can say: “So I’ve been together for a while and I feel ready to be in a relationship. I can say that I’m in a different place than a few years ago. What about you? “They lead with curiosity and confidence. They don’t make demands. Give them space to show you who they are and what they want. And then, as Maya Angelou said,” believe them the first Times.”
How can you meet new people without joining dating apps?
I have an entire chapter in my book dealing with the IRL encounter. Here is my list:
- Go to events
- Let friends and family set you up
- Connect with people you already know
- Imagine people when you are out and about
But most of these are nearly impossible during COVID. For now, I would focus on asking friends and family to put you on virtual blind dates or see if there are friends in your life who you could go on something romantic with.
Do you have to wait for the guy to plan the first couple of dates?
No, it’s 2021 and you’re looking for a friend, not an event planner. Take turns planning the dates.
Online dating feels so hopeless. Is there hope?
Yes. You don’t have to take time off from dating this year. People go on virtual dates, socially distant dates, and more. I was blown away by the creativity and resilience of the hinge users. People are lonely and want to connect. There is hope.
How do I navigate to close even if I am the one who was ghosting? How do I not make a ghost?
First, stop ghosting. It’s hurtful because it creates a sense of ambiguity for the other person. In our research, we found that people are ghosting because they think it’s less of a hassle than rejecting someone outright, but people who have been ghosted say, “Reject me! I would rather know. “So that’s it. Stop ghosting. Send a text like” Hey [name]I really enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t think we’re a romantic game. “Keep this as a template in your notes folder. Send it as soon as you know someone you are not interested in.
The first date wasn’t a home run, but it might see potential. Is a second date worth it?
Absolutely, in my book I have a chapter called “Make the Second Date the Standard.” That said, you should assume that you are going to date someone on the second date unless something drastically bad happens on the first. Here’s why: Lots of great people – slow burns – don’t give off that first spark. But they are great long-term partners. Give people the opportunity to open up to you. The first date is just the beginning.
I’ve been with someone for a few months now and I feel like it’s going great. But how can I address the “official or not” conversation? How does it look?
First of all, congratulations on the subject. Research shows that couples who decide through relationship transitions by talking openly about things are much more successful in the long run than those who subconsciously push themselves into them. You could say something like “So what should I tell my friends that we are?” or “My roommate asked about us and whether we are officially dating. What should I say? ”Or“ I really like you. Do you want to make this official? ”Then talk to them about what that means. Are you monogamous Do you use labels? Are you deleting the apps? Does this change anything in your behavior? Even if you don’t get the answer you want, it’s great to bring this conversation up to see if you’re both on the same page about where you are and where you are going.
How was your dating experience in COVID? If you have any tips that can help me please share them below!